This is what I looked like:
They call me The Spider Slayer. Qait would draw it better.
Daddy Long Legs are naturally camouflaged to blend in with their webby surroundings which makes it impossible to distinguish spider from web. So I burnt it all with extreme prejudice. I could tell when I got a spider though. Did you know that spiders spark when you light them on fire? It is kind of awesome. And then I found some big spiders. A bunch of them, over in the corner. And they didn't just spark when I hit them, they made an audible popping sound. Which was satisfying in a kind of evil way. And scary way. The noisier my massacre got, the more scared I was of retribution. I kept imagining Shelob climbing out from under the house to get me. Maybe it was guilt. All I know is the more I killed the more anxious I was to run away. So I did. I had barely begun my Arachnid Armageddon, but I felt the wrath of the Spider Lords building against me and I climbed back out of that hole as fast as I could. I still sort of expect them to come for me in the night to get their revenge. I mostly deserve it, don't I?
Anyhoo, here is how my bathroom looks now:
Instead of patching the plaster which takes forever and is not fun, we knocked all the plaster off the wall so that we can put up drywall. Richard says first we need to put up furring strips. I'm guessing he just made that word up. But we've got to put up something so that the drywall will have something even and level to screw into which the bricks are not.
So how long has it been since our inspection? 3 weeks? And I thought the room would be done by now. Heck, I thought the room would be done 5 years ago. Why is it the last few weeks are the hardest?
Oh, wait, I know why it is the hardest. Because there is a TOILET IN MY BEDROOM. You think my room was bad before, you should see it now. It is stuffed with power tools and huge tracks of insulation. I have got to get this bathroom done or I might have to set all my stuff on fire!
I actually might do that anyway.
4 comments
Maybe cause it's a law, just like the "last few pounds" are the hardest.
I am so flattered you linked to me! :) Thanks! Plus, I like your drawing of you flaming off the spiders. It's just as good as any I'd doodle.
I'm supposed to fold laundry right now. But I was more interested in reading about your adventures! (That may not seem like such a compliment, but I really don't mind laundry...)
I love it when I see you have posted something!
I have to tell you a spider story. Once Tami's son, Draven called me into the livingroom because he saw a spider. I don't like to get near spiders, even to kill them,but I got brave for my grandchild and took a shoe and killed it. I though I'd get such gratitude for my courage, but his eyes got really big and he said, "Grandma! Spiders are our FRIENDS!"
I ALWAYS get that feeling when I kill spiders. Like the ones I miss are just plotting their revenge. What you need is the light of Elendil. I am grossed out by the popping sound. Who let you have a blow torch?
I've never lit a spider on fire. The retribution on that has got to be horrible. Don't worry though, I'll come to your funeral and say nice things about you.
Post a Comment